Such a personal moon, this soft pink and lavender full moon of May 2021.

It started drawing my attention at the gibbous, three-quarter phase. Its power already palpable. Yet in its strength–its size and brightness–it was gentle, almost loving. I interpreted its pull on me as call toward compassion, especially toward myself.

Nudged on by the soft evening breeze, the serenade of crickets, and the echo of the neighbor’s chimes, I lay on the chaise lounge in the backyard, certain of my need to bathe in the light of the Flower Moon.

I don’t know exactly where that hour of moon gazing took me. Maybe it was an inward journey toward awareness and appreciation of the natural world that I am so often too busy to notice.

Maybe it took me toward forgiveness. I know I tend to lose my way, trespassing on the feelings of others on the way to what I want.

Perhaps it took me toward peace. I struggle so hard against myself, others, the world. Surviving, striving, and thriving take their inner toll.

Perhaps during my hour with the moon, I slowed down and got quiet enough for love to catch up with me. Maybe it was a gift of time from God, creation itself, the universal spirit, the collective aspirations of the human heart.

The pastel colors of that gentle moon stayed with me. The next day I bought pink and lavender candles, scented with peony and lilac, flowers that kindle a certain sense of homesickness. The home of my dreams that never was. The youth that’s gone more every day.

But the soft fragrances remind me, the soft moon reminds me, I can steep my soul in the iron core of strife. I can burn in battle against people, ideas. I can fight to be right. I can carve out a space for myself in the material world, but I will never dry out the need for the eternal river, the gentle flowing substance of soul.

I can pretend all I want that I am of this world, but nature will always remind me of the mystery–spirit’s call–the reality of candles, and twilight, and the moon. The magic of life miraculously ebbs back.

I remember who I am, eventually, and that despite all of the necessary doing, at its heart, a human life is about being.

-May 20, 2021

Photo by Johnny Kaufman on Unsplash